Actually, don’t answer that. I already know it’s my own fault. I’ve been rescuing people as far back as I can remember. Give me your confused, lonely or certifiably crazy and I will invite them to stay in a heartbeat. In third grade I petitioned my parents to let the boy down the street (think Spanky from the Little Rascals) move into our house because his brother was mean to him. Despite my efforts on his behalf, it was a no go with Tom and Kathy. I’m pretty sure one kid was, and always will be, enough for them. ( That may have had more to do with me than kids in general.) But since the escape plan didn’t work, I was forced to move on to Plan B in which I beat up his brother. That got me into REALLY big trouble at school. However, the following week his brother gave me a cheap silver ring and a pack of Hubba Bubba. I guess he liked his third grade women tough. The three of us spent the next two years riding our bikes, catching frogs, and kicking soccer balls at the town field.
Over the years I have acquired many of these stories. So many that it would require it’s own blog. And let’s face it people, I’m having a tough time maintaining this one.
Now Jimmy, who for reasons unknown still seems to love me, has had to put up with this for 20 years. This is a man whose ultimate goal in life is to just get a little peace and quiet. And unlike with my parents, there usually is not much of a petitioning process. It’s more like a hushed conversation with the kids that goes something like this: “Hey guys, let’s not mention that (insert animal, person here) is in the house and see how long it takes Dad to notice.”
The reason I mention all this is because just two days ago, we acquired our most recent houseguest. You see, after observing me , Jake has also become a champion for the underdog. In the past 4 years our home has become temporary shelter for an assortment of kids for a variety of reasons. Some were victims of circumstance, most were victims of themselves, all of them have moved on and visit occasionally. Our current guest, being under the age of 18, shall go by an alias. Fred.
This is the story of Fred.
Anytime, I get a text from Jake that says call me ASAP, my initial reaction is to weigh the pros and cons of moving to Mexico with no forwarding address. Since I still reside in Fort Mill, SC , it is obvious that I have yet to get that PRO list any longer. My kids are industrious. They’d find me. So here I am. On Tuesday I received just such a text. After wadding up the list of pros and cons, I give Jake a call. “Can Fred stay at our house for just a little while?” I tell Jake I’ll be home in 20 minutes-we will talk then. Now before you think that I’m a COMPLETE schmuck, I must tell you that there IS a screening process. In a little method that I picked up from Lenny in Law and Order, I act as a human lie detector while questioning the latest child. I’m not going to go into specifics for fear that they will see this and figure out how to trick me.
It seems Fred has had a fight with his Mom and in typical teenage fashion has declared that being of legal age in SC he will just move out. As any mom in the same situation would do, she tells him to go ahead and try that out…let her know how that works. And he does it! The little bastard actually calls her bluff! Listen, I know Fred is going to go back home. Right now it’s a battle of wills. Who here has not been in the same situation ? Definitely as the disgruntled teen and perhaps as the now enlightened parent. So when I poke fun, it’s not because I don’t care or I don’t think it’s serious. It’s because with the benefit of 20 plus years, I remember doing the same shit and I can appreciate just how humorous it is on the other side.
Fred is a force to be reckoned with. He is being stubborn and perhaps a little clueless. This will turn into persistent and optimistic when he is grown up….great qualities to have once you hit the real world. Mildly annoying when it’s your kid using them against you. So he has packed his stuff and struck out on his own. I will say that Casa de Reed was not the first stop on his Fort Mill World Tour. He went to another friend’s house first. He stayed there for two days until his friend’s mom let him know he was going to need to pay rent. $50 a week. A bargain , right? Not when you are a Senior in High School working part time at a sandwich shop and bumming rides from your friends. Well this is a good thing, you say? A little dose of reality to help Fred get back down to Earth? Not so much. Fred is just going to have to alter his plans a little. Perseverance. Another great quality to have as an adult. And this is how I have come to acquire another lost duckling in a list a mile long.
When I arrive home that evening there is a group of boys congregating in my office, mulling over Fred’s plight. I am regaled with descriptive versions of the same story I will later get from Fred. It’s amazing to me how each kid will take something a little bit different from it. One kid is shaking his head….he knows what it’s really like to have a bad parent. Another one is trying to jump on the bandwagon and also get an invitation to stay so that he can “get as many tattoos as he wants.” Mine says he’s never leaving….I’ll remind him of that one later. It is then that I notice the pile of luggage behind the couch. In addition to all Fred’s other great qualities he is also an overpacker! I feel that I need to list what he has packed, so that you can get the entire hysterical effect. Remember, boy is pissed. Boy is leaving home forever. Boy does not have a car or license. Boy rides bike all over town. Please picture this with me. This is what he has packed:
1. Not one, but two gigantic suitcases on wheels. I suppose the wheels are a plus because you could tie them to the bike and drag them wherever you need to go.
2. A pair of very nice black dress shoes that must not have fit into the suitcases.
3. A baketball.
4. His pillow and a blanket.
5. A duffel bag with more stuff in it.
6. Playstation 3.
7. A Dragon ball Z poster.
and #8, the piece de resistance…
Two light sabers.
I’m not even going to ask about the light sabers. I don’t need to know. And he’s definitely not staying long enough to be hanging posters. The boy is trekking around town with all this stuff. A light saber wielding refugee with a penchant for nice shoes! Honestly, I know deep down in my heart that Fred will laugh about this someday. He really will. But right now he is oh-so-serious. So he can stay for a little bit until he cools off. His mom knows he’s safe and now I’ve got someone else who can walk the dog. Besides, it’s only Friday and I have taken Sunday in the pool for how long it takes Jimmy to realize Fred’s here…..
No comments:
Post a Comment