Oh Christ, why did you have to go and tell people???

I love my friend Elita. We’ve known each other since we were 4 and without putting specifics out there, that was a really long time ago. The problem with knowing someone that long, however, is that they are biased. For someone to stick around that long you need to have some sort of redeeming qualities that keeps them coming back for more. For us, it’s the funny. Our relationship is mutually beneficial in that I have this really strange need to be thought of as funny and she thinks I am. She is the audience to my stand-up and she is peeing herself in the front row.  I’m just not sure that her opinion is representative of the world at large.

People worry about shit…all of us. We are so completely wrapped up in what others think of us. And those that say they aren’t are liars. Am I skinny enough? When I comb my hair this way does it cover my bald spot? Is my student of the month better than your football player? Will this Viagra really work or will I end up in the ER with a 36 hour erection? You know, that kind of stuff. But for me it all comes down to the funny…

I NEED to be funny. If I am talking and you’re not laughing you may as well have told Giselle that she’s fat or one of the Mannings that they throw like sissies. I have been known to deeply hate anyone who dares to not laugh at my jokes. Irrational? Yes. But there it is. Since moving to the South, the list of people I hate has grown considerably. There is definitely some sort of humor barrier once you cross the Mason-Dixon line. My sense of humor is no longer funny to most people once you pass through the Southern border of Virginia. I’ve tried everything. I’ve slowed it down, in case maybe they just can’t listen that quickly. I’ve tried delivering my sarcastic remarks in a Southern draw, to make it sound a bit more familiar. Nothing. Honestly, when you have to start explaining what it is that should have made them laugh, it’s really not worth it  and so I move on to hate. Because if I can hate, then the fault lies with them and not me. For me it is everything, it’s my insecurity, what keeps me up at night, and the standard by which I measure my worth. Can I make you laugh??? 

And now she has invited people to take a look. Surely, I should view this as a compliment. What I see it as is an extra visit to the shrink this month.